I hate everyone

Why men shouldn't write advice columms

You couldn't make this up!

BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE  YEAR, 

DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE  CENTURY.

This took  place in Charlotte North Carolina A lawyer purchased a box of  very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among  other things, fire.

Within a month, having  smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer  filed a claim against the insurance  company.

In his claim,  the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small  fires' ..... The insurance company refused to pay, citing the  obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the  normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and  WON! ( Stay  with me. )

Delivering  the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the  claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the  lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted  that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would  insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to  be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the  claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and  costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling  and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that  perished in the 'fires'.

NOW  FOR  THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer  cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24  counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance  claim and testimony from the previous case being used against  him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his  insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a  $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's  Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

ONLY  IN  AMERICA ... NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS  THEY'RE NUTS..

Dr Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.  After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.  “Well, 

	Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
	Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
	Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
	Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
	Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.  

“Watson, you idiot!” he says.  “Someone has stolen our tent!” 

David Cameron

David Cameron wants to make it harder for people the claim benefits.
As of Monday the forms will be printed in English!

Sleeping Tigers

Sleeping Tigers

Isn't it funny, when your lying in bed and you hear the baby cry in the other room, and all of a sudden its a game of sleeping tigers!

Both laying there completely still, not a sound, the first one to move looses. 

Its hard to do!, intentionally laying perfectly still, one false move and that's it! you get screamed at by your partner! "I know you can hear the baby! why don't you get up!", and up you get to tend to the baby whilst your partner is secretly smiling their ass off under the covers, still cosy and warm. While you try desperately to get the baby back to sleep.

Its a funny life....... I'm currently loosing 3-2

Bono

After all these years, Bono 'still hasn't found what he's looking for'. 
Perhaps he might have more luck if he took off those fucking sunglasses.